I know the title may lead you to think that I'm going to complain, and be a whiny little bitch, but I'm not. What's unfair is that I've reached a new chapter in life, and I was wanting to start a new blog because it has nothing to do with anything I've written about in the past. However, this posts is about my WHOLE life... and every chapter in it. I fell the overall theme or format or even go as far as to say 'feel' of the posts from now on will be different, almost like they belong in a different blog, coming back to the title. It would be unfair to make a new blog for all two of the people subscribed (but still not reading).
Basically whats changed is. I've more or less gotten rid of Her. I realized I should have long time ago. I don't regret having her as a friend. I wouldn't be the person I am today or maybe even alive had I not met her. I didn't have my own style when I met her. I still had the default little kid style. The style 90% of american raise their kids as. But this has gone on long enough. She doesn't care anymore, so neither do I. In a way I can tell it'd for the best. There's a bit of a hole to be filled that hurts. I have no idea who's gonna be able to fill it, or if anyone even can. Their pretty big shoes to fill. She's probably the only girl who I would sleep with without even being in a relationship. The only girl that I trust THAT much to do that. I realize now it was a mistake. I feel like I'm one of the last few people that actually respects the act of sex. I won't go as far as to say that it should be reserved for marriage like some people, but I do think it should be practiced by people who do love and trust each other. Some one who you could at least see yourself with for a long time and potentially forever. I felt that way with Her. I realize now by the way she's acting that she didn't. That's the 2nd thing in my entire life I regret. Not because she used me... no I expect to be used throughout my life, but because it was my first time. Yes my first time was when I was 19, deal with it. At the risk of sounding like a 15 year old girl, I wanted my 1st to be special. To be able to walk away from the person after we'd broken up months or even years later with no regrets as to giving her my virginity. I wanted it to be someone who at least though of it as special as I did, even if it wasn't their first time.
I know it'd probably a little more whiny that I lead you to believe, but in all honesty that's that only thing that bother me about it all. I don't mind we're not friends... had to happen eventually. AS I'm typing this I realize i REALLY need to update my songs folder. I haven't deleted anything since freshman year, so I keep skipping things I'm not into anymore. But yeah... this is a change in the pace of my life and these posts. No more bitching over girls, friends, or family. I'll take who will put up with me, and boot who won't, and those who I can't. Simple as that. Thankfully I never lost touch with Nick. I think he'll be, if not my dad, my best man at my wedding. I can't wait until he gets here. I accidentally started typing the lyrics to the song I'm listening to. You can't tell because I obviously edited it but yeah I laughed at myself.
On a different note, I wish there was a way I could publish this blog to a broader audience. I want random people to read this and comment their opinions. I wan't to see what other people thing about the way I think, and hear about their related problems... so if the two of you NOT reading this know of a way just let me know. If you've ever read the 'Maximum Ride' series, I want something like Fang's blog hehe. I know what you're thinking. This is basically my journal, why would I want the world to see it... why indeed? I just do so get the word out. Talk to you guys later and please talk to me.
~Inddy
Basically whats changed is. I've more or less gotten rid of Her. I realized I should have long time ago. I don't regret having her as a friend. I wouldn't be the person I am today or maybe even alive had I not met her. I didn't have my own style when I met her. I still had the default little kid style. The style 90% of american raise their kids as. But this has gone on long enough. She doesn't care anymore, so neither do I. In a way I can tell it'd for the best. There's a bit of a hole to be filled that hurts. I have no idea who's gonna be able to fill it, or if anyone even can. Their pretty big shoes to fill. She's probably the only girl who I would sleep with without even being in a relationship. The only girl that I trust THAT much to do that. I realize now it was a mistake. I feel like I'm one of the last few people that actually respects the act of sex. I won't go as far as to say that it should be reserved for marriage like some people, but I do think it should be practiced by people who do love and trust each other. Some one who you could at least see yourself with for a long time and potentially forever. I felt that way with Her. I realize now by the way she's acting that she didn't. That's the 2nd thing in my entire life I regret. Not because she used me... no I expect to be used throughout my life, but because it was my first time. Yes my first time was when I was 19, deal with it. At the risk of sounding like a 15 year old girl, I wanted my 1st to be special. To be able to walk away from the person after we'd broken up months or even years later with no regrets as to giving her my virginity. I wanted it to be someone who at least though of it as special as I did, even if it wasn't their first time.
I know it'd probably a little more whiny that I lead you to believe, but in all honesty that's that only thing that bother me about it all. I don't mind we're not friends... had to happen eventually. AS I'm typing this I realize i REALLY need to update my songs folder. I haven't deleted anything since freshman year, so I keep skipping things I'm not into anymore. But yeah... this is a change in the pace of my life and these posts. No more bitching over girls, friends, or family. I'll take who will put up with me, and boot who won't, and those who I can't. Simple as that. Thankfully I never lost touch with Nick. I think he'll be, if not my dad, my best man at my wedding. I can't wait until he gets here. I accidentally started typing the lyrics to the song I'm listening to. You can't tell because I obviously edited it but yeah I laughed at myself.
On a different note, I wish there was a way I could publish this blog to a broader audience. I want random people to read this and comment their opinions. I wan't to see what other people thing about the way I think, and hear about their related problems... so if the two of you NOT reading this know of a way just let me know. If you've ever read the 'Maximum Ride' series, I want something like Fang's blog hehe. I know what you're thinking. This is basically my journal, why would I want the world to see it... why indeed? I just do so get the word out. Talk to you guys later and please talk to me.
~Inddy
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