I'm some dog to be lead around on a leash. I'm tired of chasing after her. She gives me one night, so far the best of my life, then not 24 hours later is avoiding me like the plague. If all that was just a welcome home thing then she shouldn't have bothered. I told myself and Her that it wasn't going to happen again, because I'm tired of worshiping the ground she walks on and getting nothing in return.
My only worry is that it turns out she really does like me, and it wasn't me she was mad at. Because honestly, I would LOVE for Sunday night to happen again, and now it never will... again. This is an EXTREMELY hard decision between The girl of my dreams, and my best friend. The problem is... if I pursue the girl of my dreams, I MIGHT not get her... if I choose my best friend, I may not be as happy. Don't get me wrong I'll be happy but there will always be the "what if" in the back of my head.
A couple of days ago I wouldn't be worried. The "what if" wouldn't be there because I know that there would never be a "what if"... but now there could be. Right now it's not looking hot for me and dream girl. She doesn't seem even a fraction as interested as she was Sunday, and best friend has always liked me since BEFORE I came home from the Navy, unlike dream girl. I'm just so confused right now, and before I was worried that I'd thrown away my best friendship for a girl I won't even get with... and now that I've fixed things with her... I'm worried that I chose a potentially doomed friendship over possible total and complete happiness with the one I've wanted since middle school.
And don't even get me started on the fact that this is all going on in my three weeks of leave...meaning I have even less time to fix thing every time something new unfolds. What I would like to do is have them both competing for me until I can make a decision, but that's not fair to either of them. I don't know anymore... maybe I'm just sleep deprived... goodnight.
~Inddy
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