Wow

It's been so long since I last posted, and quite a bit has happened. I'm not with Amber anymore... yeah I hated doing this to her, but after two weeks, I ended things. I really did want to be with her honestly and truthfully. I didn't later though. I realized that I'm 18 years old... the prim of my life... I probably look the best I ever will. I need to date around. Meet people and such. I care about her a lot, it just wasn't meant to be right now. I realized she was kind of rebound for herself... seven months ago.

That all happened about a week ago. Now I kind of feel left out. Herand Amber have been going off with other friends making plans, and hanging out... all I've done for the last week or so is be around family... I want to hang around friends. They don't even seem to remember me anymore. They don't talk to me, they keep no contact with me whatsoever. My closest friends right now, I've never even met in person. I've talked more with Lori and Bryce in the last week than I have with Herin the last month. I just feel really left out., and if this keeps up... I can't say I'll miss it when I leave in February.

You know, I've never had all the friends I wanted... there was always someone that I wanted to be friends with, that for some reason was repulsed by me. Through all those time, though, I never had NO ONE. I always had at least one friend to be thankful for... now I don't feel to fortunate... call me selfish, I don't care.

I just don't know what to do... I even tried to reestablish contact. I called Herlast night, and things looked up, she'd been happy to hear from me. Then today it goes right back to how it was. I keep looking at their profiles and seeing pictures of them having a blast with everyone else but me. I probably am being selfish, but can you blame me?

~Induo